


Searching for Home

by Chibifukurou



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: F/M, Kid Fic, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-20
Updated: 2011-07-20
Packaged: 2017-10-21 14:19:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibifukurou/pseuds/Chibifukurou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I had always loved Vulcan better than Earth, but there are certain things I couldn't accept and the Vulcan prejudices against my son was simple illogical and unforgivable. My son deserved a home where he could be loved and accepted and I would do everything in my power to make sure he found such a place.</p><p>Even if it meant leaving the man and the world I loved behind and traveling to Earth to become a Alien Languages Teacher in Riverside, Iowa.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Searching for Home

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Classic Trek Big Bang on LJ.
> 
> Betaed by the lovely [sesh_khem](http://sesh_khem.livejournal.com)
> 
> Art by [synnovu](http://synnovu.livejournal.com/3338.html) and solara1357
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This story was written for personal enjoyment and entertainment purposes.

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Searching for Home

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My hand stung. A spot of green and yellow bloomed on Sarek's cheek. He stared at me, eyes like black holes. Full of disappointment and accusations. The only sign that our conversation was causing him emotional distress. His voice remained disturbingly calm. "Why did you strike me?"

I didn't answer him directly, too angry and upset. I lacked the Vulcan calm that allowed him to remain in control. I almost reached out to slap him again, unsure how else to work off my anger. How dare he even imply… "How dare you!" I hissed, voice shaking. The only reason I didn't indulge my all too human emotions and start screaming, was because I didn't want to wake Spock. It had taken me almost an hour of bedtime stories and rocking to get him to sleep.

Sarek shifted away from me. Probably able to tell that I wanted to hit him again. If nothing else our bond had to be making my rage clear. Still he was stubborn. One of the things I loved and hated about him most. "It is logical."

Logic! I should have known. I normally did my best to respect logic. But this. It made stomach turn.

"He cannot follow the path set out for him."

"Then let him forge his own path."

"I must have an heir," Not so much as a tremor in his voice to show that he acknowledge my disgust with the entire situation.

"He's our son!"

"He is flawed."

"That shouldn't matter. He is our beautiful baby." I could still remember the absolute joy I'd had the first time I held him in my arms. Ten perfect toes, ten perfect fingers, and a pair of tiny, pointed ears.

"It does matter. He is already months behind his peers."

"He's only four earth years old. It's too early to say that he won't be able to catch up. Just because he's different, that doesn't mean he needs to be replaced."

He moved closer to me then, gripping my shoulders with his strong hands. The closest he'd ever been able to come to giving me a human hug. His voice was soft, almost consoling. "Not replaced. Just given a brother"

"A brother who you want to take his place." A sibling would be good for him, but not under these circumstances. "I won't do it."

"Amanda."

Shrugging out of his grip, I said. "No!"

"You must see the logic in what I'm purposing."

I did, but seeing the logic didn't make feel better. In most things I was willing to bow to the Vulcan way, but not in this. Not if the end result was bringing another child into the world, not because we wanted him with all our hearts, but because we needed someone to take the place of Spock. It wouldn't be fair to either child. Sarek wouldn't understand my reasoning though, so I tried to give him a logical reason to give up the idea of having another child. "What if the second child is the same as Spock. There is a very large possibility that Spock's differences are caused by his human ancestry. And even if we knew for sure that our next child would be more Vulcan than Spock, your next fertility cycle is one and a half R'tas away."

Sarek wouldn't meet my eyes. I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was that he had already considered that possibility. "We will go to the Science Academy and ask for assistance from their geneticists. There are historical records of Vulcans and humans mating, surely there are also records of how their children were altered to allow their Vulcan genetics to become dominant and they will be able to combine our DNA to create a child without having to wait until my Pon'far."

"Absolutely not!" While I understood the need to involve the Academy if we didn't want to wait another four Earth years to have a child. "When we decided to have children you assured me that you would allow me to have them as naturally as possible."

"I did. That agreement is now null. It was made when I believed that a natural birth would not negatively impact our children. Now that we know better, I must insist that we take the proper precautions."

"No, I won't have my child put through that."

"Amanda, the child will be a fetus. It will not know what has happened."

"How do you know that they won't. Human fetuses bond with their mother, I can only assume that the same holds true for Vulcan fetuses. I won't let my child be created and incubated in some Science Institute vat." The thought of how lonely our child would be, made me want to cry.

Sarek pulled me into his arms, he must have sensed my upset. "We are much more advanced here than they are on Earth. Just because he will not be growing inside you, that doesn't mean that the two of you will not bond. I swear to you, if I thought that being born artificially would harm our child, or take away his ability to bond with you, I would not suggest it."

"I'm sorry. I know that you would love our child as much as I would, but…"

"You are human, my wife. I knew this when I married you. It would be foolish of me to blame you for acting as any human would to the idea of having another bear their child. I understand that in humans, the bond between mother and child is usually formed while the child is developing." He pressed his hand to my cheek. It wasn't in the meld position, but it was close enough that I could feel the light touch of his calm mind against mine. "Our child will be half-Vulcan. While some bonding happens during the fetus' development, the majority happens after birth."

Pressing my cheek against his palm, I relaxed into his arms. "I will think about having our next child with the help of the Academy, but I still don't think we should have a child right now. Not when Spock is still so young."

"Do you truly believe he will grow out of his differences?"

There was no way to know if that was a rhetorical statement, or if my husband truly wanted my opinion as a human. "I don't know. There are a number of developmental disorders prevalent in human children. It is possible that he is suffering from one of them, but it is equally possible that he is simply a human child among Vulcans."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Human children are not born with an ability to understand logic. That comes with age."

"You believe that he is simply too young to understand Sarek's teachings?"

"It seems as likely as there being a more serious cause for his differences. Humans don't start to think logically until they are four of five."

"You wish to wait on having another child, in order to see if Spock is able to understand the teachings of Sarek once he has reached the human age of logic."

I nodded, feeling the soft pads of his fingertips rub against my cheek.

"I understand the logic of your argument, but I cannot agree to wait for such a time."

"Why not?"

"Spock is over one R'tas old. He is expected to take his place among the acolytes in the next few months.  
His teachers believe that he will be unable to fulfill this duty, and should be held back with the children of the next R'tas. I would lose all face if I made one who failed to become an acolyte my heir."

It was hard to believe the pressures they would put on a child who was barely one Vulcan year old. "If all you care about is losing face then I see no reason to agree with your suggestion that we have another child. I would prefer to wait until your next fertile cycle. By that time we will know if Spock simply needed more time to mature, or if there is a need to have our next child created through artificial means."

He moved his hand away from my cheek, back to my shoulder, and began shaking me slightly. "It is my reputation that allowed us to be married in the first place. If they think that I would pick you over my commitment to the Vulcan council, they could force me to send you and Spock away."

My anger at his callous discussion of having another child melted away. While his voice and expression had not changed, I knew him well enough to know what he was not saying. He wished me to have another child so that he would not have to lose me, or our son. I pressed a human kiss to his cheek, where there was still a slight, red imprint from where I had slapped him. "I'm sorry my husband, I hadn't realized that the council had reacted so poorly to Spock's differences."

While his posture remained firm for a human, I could see his body relax infinitesimally. "I am sorry that I did not make the consequences more clear to you."

"It is fine." I wrapped my hand around his. "I promise that I will think about having another child, but I have to put Spock's needs first. It is my duty as his mother."

He nodded gravely. "I will try to be patient. In return you must understand that it might become necessary to have another child in order to protect him."

I nodded. "I promise that I will take the possibility into consideration when I am contemplating all the ways to help Spock."

"That is all I can ask, my wife." He didn't smile but I could see the softness in his eyes. He hated our fights as much as I did.

"Come, Sarek, let's go to bed. This discussion has exhausted me."

He bowed slightly, in agreement and I used my grip on his hand to pull him towards our bedroom. We slipped into bed together and I curled up on his chest and listened to his strong heartbeat as it slowed and his breath eased. He wouldn't stay asleep for long, but I planned to use his rest to my advantage.

Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I slipped out of the bed, wrapping the blankets around him to keep the warm night air out and the shared heat of our bodies in. I walked on bare feet through the house, quiet and calm in the darkness of night. The soft moonlight my only guide through the familiar rooms and hallways.

It was even darker in Spock's room, thanks to the curtains I'd put up over his window. Sarek had stared at me like he thought I was being completely illogical when I'd put them up. But I hadn't been able to shake the human tradition of putting up curtains in the nursery so that the child could nap at any time of the day.

Admittedly Spock had stopped sleeping through the day within the first month but I still found them comforting. So I had left them. Spock had never seemed to mind, particularly after I'd shown him how he could make a fort with the curtains and the rocking chair from his nursery.

He was very much his father's son, no matter what Sarek or the Vulcan elders thought. He was always happiest when things were logical and he had time to sit quietly and think things through rationally. I'd often seen him watching Sarek meditate with large, adoring eyes and trying to imitate his father's calm. He'd even started to spurn my touch in an attempt to be more like his father.

I missed holding him, but I understood the Vulcan way of things better than almost any other human. If our son wanted to concentrate on his Vulcan blood then I had planned to allow him that choice. Now though it looked like that might not be an option. I would not ask Sarek to give up more than he already had in order to keep Spock safe. But at the same time Spock had to be my priority.

My husband probably hadn't thought of it yet. Logical he might be, but his conviction to keep me by his side was that of a bondmate refusing to be parted from the most important person in their life. I was different. Human. I understood that leaving the person you loved didn't have to mean that you stopped loving them. It just meant that other things were more important than your love. If it came down to it, I would do what was necessary.

But it wouldn't be my first choice.

I struck a match and lit the candle that sat on Spock's dresser. The dish of incense sitting above the candle began to heat and the scent of Vulcan spice filled the room. The soft candle light was enough to see Spock by. He was sprawled out in his small, pod-like bed. Wrapped in the gray woolen nightshirt I'd knit for him. His tiny Sehlat plushy clutched in his hand.

My body relaxed without a thought. This was right, seeing my son so relaxed and happy. I sat down on the mattress beside him, running my fingers through his fine hair and around the tiny point of his ear. He cuddled closer to my body heat. As much as I appreciated the Vulcan's logical way of doing things, I still loved the few moments when my son acted like a human child who needed his mother's touch.

Pressing my lips to his hot forehead, I closed my eyes and prayed a soft prayer that we would find a way to help Spock become the heir Sarek needed. I would do whatever it took to take care of my son, but I was selfish enough to hope that there was a way for us to stay with Sarek.

I had never been as happy on Earth as I was on Vulcan.

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When I'd been a little girl, stuck sitting on the bench outside of the principal's office, more often then I cared to remember, I'd thought that things had to be easier for my parents. All they had to do was come in, complain about how ill behaved I was, and take me home.

It was funny how these things changed when you were the parent. My mother always used to say that she hoped I had a child just like me. That at least hadn't worked out, Spock was much more well-behaved then I had been, but I still ended up spending a good amount of time in the principal's office. Though personally I thought that had more to do with the Vulcan's version of propriety than any misbehavior on Spock's part.

He was waiting for me on the bench outside of his teacher's office. I patted his shoulders softly before I went in.

Teacher T'pren was busy writing in a journal when I entered the office. It was an obvious tactic to make it clear that I was not her priority, but I didn't really care. I sat down in the chair in front of her desk and waited patiently. She had another thing coming if she thought that I'd get upset by such a simple tactic. I'd been a teacher myself before I had met Sarek and I had only become more patient since then.

It only took ten minutes of staring at her intently and radiating negative thoughts for her to stop ignoring me. I'd learned quickly that most Vulcans weren't experienced enough with human emotions to withstand them for long.

"Wife of Sarek, I had hoped that after out last meeting you would see to it that Spock was better prepared for this week's lessons and how to properly handle his reaction to failure. "

"What is it you think I should do? I spoke to him about allowing failure to cause him to react in an emotional manner. He seemed to have embraced the idea."

She frowned at me. "It is not that simple. In addition to remaining calm and in control. He also needs to use his failure to encourage himself to succeed."

"He has never disappointed with me with his grades."

She crossed her hands on top of the desk. "I don't believe you understand the way we Vulcans handle matters of childhood learning."  
"Then perhaps you should stop calling me into the office for discussions, and start explaining what it is you want me to do for Spock. It does not strike me as logical that you would be so secretive about this."

"I had hoped that your husband would explain this to you." She pinched her mouth into a thin line.

"He has not yet felt the need discuss this matter with me." We had agreed that Spock would primarily be my responsibility.

"Very well, I will explain. Though it is truly not my place. You son is failing to think through his schoolwork logically."

"Logically?" Surely she couldn't mean what it sounded like she meant. They couldn't possibly be judging Spock because he failed to solve the problems they assigned him logically.

"That is correct. He follows no logical method to solve his problems, instead relies on instinct and supposition. It is most inappropriate and disturbing."

"You are judging him because he uses a different manner of thinking to solve the problems you've assigned him."

"That is correct."

"Why?" It was hardly unusual for a student to think differently than the other students.

"I understand that you are a human and thus do not fully understand the ways of Vulcan culture but surely you can understand that it is imperative that all Vulcan children be taught and learn in the same manner in order to ensure the most cohesive society possible. If everyone was allowed to think as they wished," Teacher T'pren could quite suppress her shudder, "it would result in chaos."

"I disagree. You are being illogical, expecting a half-human child to think in the same manner as a full Vulcan. The biological differences alone would indicate a distinction between his way of thinking and that of his peers. As an educator of your standing should well know."

"While that might be the case, when you married, your husband assured the council that you would be able to provide the proper, logical environment for any children you would have. If they feel that you have failed in this task, there will be consequences."

So this was what Sarek had been talking about. "I see." I stood up, without waiting to be dismissed. T'pren stared at me. Most likely wondering if I was going to show my illogical human nature and throw a fit. While I was feeling extremely, illogically, justifiably angry, I knew better than to show such weakness. "Thank you for your patience, Teacher T'pren. I am grateful for your explanation. I will discuss this matter with my husband and son."

She nodded sharply. She might not be happy with my abrupt departure, but she couldn't say anything against my decision as long as I handled things properly.

I nodded in reply and left her office. Spock was still sitting on the bench next to the door, his hands folded in his lap and his legs slowly swinging back and forth.

"Come on dear, let's go home."

"Has Teacher T'pren finished speaking with you?"

"Yes, for now, but your father and I will have some things to discuss when he returns home." I held my hand out to him. "Come on, sweetheart, let’s head home."

I kept my stride short and steady so that Spock and I could leave the school together and with as much dignity as was possible under the circumstances.

I was able to relax a bit, once we left the school and walked around to the side of the large building so that we were standing in the long, dark shadow of the academy, out of sight from anyone passing by. Spock moved closer to my side and grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry I upset Teacher, Mom."

"It's alright, my son." I smiled down at him, just happy that he was willing to call me Mom instead of Mother, or even worse, Amanda. "There was nothing you could have done to keep Teacher T'pren from calling me in.

"Why not?"

I didn't feel the need to lie, even if would have been easier. While I wasn't above bending the truth, one of the traits that I loved about Vulcan's was their inability to lie. It hurt me to know that T'pren was judging Spock harshly because she didn't approve of his half-human status and didn't like how I was raising him. But I was still glad to know what she truly thought of me. There was little I valued above honesty. "She doesn’t approve of your father's relationship with me and she feels that it is having a negative impact on your schooling."

"Oh," He let go of my hand and stared down at his shoes.

He didn't need to say any more than that. I was his mother; I knew what he was thinking. I kneeled down so that I was on the same level as him. Reaching out I grabbed his chin and lifted his head so that our eyes met. "I don't mind that your different, or if Teacher T'pren doesn't like me. It's worth it to have you in my life."

"I should be like the other children."

  
"Only if you want to be the same as them, dear."

"But all Vulcans are supposed to be the same." His voice cracked and if he'd been a fully human child he'd have been sobbing.

I couldn't keep myself from wrapping him up in a hug. "You're not Vulcan sweetheart, you're something different, and you should never have to deny that."

"Bu—but…"

"I will love you just as much if you act like a human or if you act like a Vulcan. I can promise you that." I said, pressing our foreheads together. "Now it's time we headed home. Do you want to walk or do you want to use the carrier?"

He thought about it for a few moments."Carrier."

Smiling, I started unfolding the carrier from where I'd stored it in my purse. Much like the hand holding when I came to pick Spock up from school, the carrier was a good way for Spock to gain comfort in my presence without violating the Vulcan sense of propriety. Admittedly I'd gotten a few odd looks when people had first seen me walking about with Spock in a sling on my back, but it hadn't taken long for them to see the logic in it.

As a human female. I had a third of their strength and was at least a foot shorter than the average Vulcan female, it made sense for me to find an alternate way to carry my child. One that would not cause harm to my fragile human body. The sling also had the positive affect of allowing Spock to have full body contact with me, a boon when he was upset and there was no Other acceptable way for me to initiate physical contact so that he could gain comfort through his touch telepathy.

Once I had the carrier tied around my waist, I bent down so that Spock could climb onto my back. His strong little fingers dug into one of my shoulders so that he could stay in place without me holding him up, and he had a hand free to help me tie the shoulder harness. By this point both of us were old hands at getting him strapped in.

Once everything was situated properly, the two of us headed home. Nobody looked twice when we came out from the hidden area behind the building and joined the bustling traffic of Academy complex. By this point everyone was used to having me around and ignoring my eccentricities.

Which was good, because I wasn't in the mood to explain myself, not when my mind was still back in that classroom with T'pren. I'd heard what she hadn't said. Spock wasn't going to be allowed to advance, and they considered his failure a direct result of his mixed heritage.

I wasn't like Sarek, I didn't understand all of the eccentricities involved in Vulcan politics, but I understood enough. Sarek was only allowed to have a human bond mate because it was politically advantageous. If he lost his position due to his lack of an heir, then his family would insist that he joined with another bond mate.

He would refuse, because he loved me, and then we'd both loose our place on Vulcan. That was unacceptable and Sarek had to know that. So I'd have to make the hard decision for him.

I was going to have to do what was right for my family and go back to Earth. Then maybe someday, once Sarek had the heir he needed, we could be together as a family again.

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I had a hard time sorting through my things and pick what I wanted to take with me to Earth. Every item in Sarek and my bedroom, held a memory of our time together. More than once I considered changing my mind. Reminded of the love Sarek and I had shared in our youth. The promises we made to each other.

But I wasn't a young woman anymore. I was a mother and no matter how painful the separation was going to be I couldn't give in. Not if Spock was my priority.

The night after my disastrous meeting with T'pren, I sent my resume in to a job matching service back on Earth.  
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It took less time than I'd expected for me to find a position on Earth. Admittedly a posting in Riverside, Iowa didn't sound ideal. But things had only been getting more tense as the end of Spock's first year at school drew nearer and I was ready to leave.

The day after I heard that I'd gotten the job, I sat down with Spock and explained that we were going to go live on my home planet for a while.

Smart little boy that he was, he immediately connected our move with his instructors' decision to hold him back. It broke my heart when he asked. "Is this my fault?"

I'd sworn to him that it wasn't, but I don't think he believed me and there wasn't really anything that I could say to the contrary. It wasn't his fault, but he was the cause. As far as Vulcans were concerned there wasn't much difference between those two concepts.

We packed our most prized possessions, clothes, and essentials up and loaded them into the small hand cart I used when I went shopping at the market. I don't think Spock said more than a dozen words to me throughout the entire process but I'd run out of words to comfort him.

Before we left the house for the last time, I put the letter I'd written to Sarek, explaining what I had done, on the pillows of our shared bed. It felt meaningful leaving it there even if all I was really doing was delaying the inevitable and making so that I didn't have to see his face when he read my Dear John letter.

It was easy enough to get through the security checks at the Space Port. Nobody asked me why I was leaving or tried to convince me to stay. I wasn't surprised, though it bothered me more than it should have. I was leaving Vulcan because I couldn't put up with their contempt for humans, and yet I still wanted someone to defend or support me.

Honestly, I think I was just looking for an excuse to stay. But none came.

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Spock at least cheered up almost as soon as the shuttle left Vulcan. He watched wide-eyed as Vulcan fell away behind us and we were surrounded by stars. I don't think he even blinked until the ship went into Warp almost three hours after we launched.

I wasn't as lucky. I'd never been a big fan of tight spaces, and while I didn't expect anything to go wrong I still found myself clutching at my seat arms whenever the ship shook or jolted unexpectedly. It was easier once we got into hyperspace and we were able to get out of our seats and move into the sleeping quarters.

If there was one thing I was sure of it was that it was going to be a long trip to Earth.

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An old beat up hover truck pulled up in front of us. Spock moved closer to me, until he was practically hiding behind my skirt. I couldn't say that I blamed him. Growing up on Earth, I was used to loud, clunky hover vehicles, but more than six years on Vulcan made the growling roar of the engine seem foreign and a little threatening.

With his sensitive ears and Vulcan upbringing, hover vehicles were almost as far outside of Spock's norm as you could get. Unfortunately, his culture shock was only going to get worse. Humans were a loud, , and emotional race. I just prayed that Spock would be able to deal with the inevitable emotional overload.

A young man, at least by human standards, hopped out of the truck. Good looking, with a wide smile and dark, windswept hair, he'd have been just the type of man I was attracted to in my youth. Now though I just noticed how his forehead was oddly shaped. And how unusual it seemed the way his eyebrows curved around his ocular crest. Funny what marriage and a good number of years on an alien planet could change the way you saw things.

The truck driver approached me, his hand held out to shake mine, and a boyish smile stretched across his face."Mrs. Grayson, I presume?"

"Ms. Grayson." I corrected, pointedly ignoring his outstretched hand. It would have been more correct by human standards to have him use Sarek's name, but I was after a new start and Vulcans didn't encourage spouses to share names.  
He chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck and head, in what was probably supposed to look like a sheepish gesture. I didn't fall for it, knowing what I did about deliberately projecting the appearance of emotions through body language. It one of Sarek and my favorite things to discuss when we'd started dating.

"Well Ms. Grayson then, if you're ready I'm here to take to where you'll be staying."

"And your name?" Taking a page out of Sarek's book, I raised a questioning eyebrow.

"George Kirk, ma'am."

Reaching behind me, I snagged Spock's shoulder. I used the grip to guide him out to stand beside me. "And this is my son, Spock."

They stared at each other. Both seemingly shocked to run into someone with such alien features. Spock had never seemed to understand that most humans looked like me. And while I recognized George Kirk's name from when he'd worked for Star Fleet, I doubted he'd had much experience with alien races in small-town Iowa.

Spock recovered from the surprise first, giving Mr. Kirk a solemn bow. He hurried to reciprocate; now at least he looked honestly sheepish. A slight blush high on his cheeks. I decided to interfere before things became any more awkward. "You said you'd be taking us to wear we'd be staying."

"Um, yeah—of course. Are these all of your bags?" He pointed at the duffle bag and the pair of hard-case suitcases clustered around our feet.

"Those, and our backpacks."

"Well then I'll get them loaded up in the back of my truck, while you settle into the cab."

"Thank you." I took Spock's hand and led him around to the passenger side of the hover-truck. He did his best to keep me between him and the truck the entire time. It was frankly rather amusing, given the fact that had Sarek's Sehlat, I-Chaya, been there he wouldn't have thought twice about cuddling the large beast.

Before we got into the truck's cab, I unhooked both of our backpacks and started to toss them into the back of the truck. Spock stopped me before I could finish, motioning for me to hand his backpack to him.

Setting it onto the ground he started digging through it, until his head and most of his shoulders were hidden inside the wide mouth of the pack.

Mr. Kirk came up beside me carrying our bags. He stopped for a minute, looking around until his eyes landed on Spock and his pack. He cracked another boyish smile and started chuckling.

"Is there something in particular you find funny?" I found the sight amusing, but that didn't mean I appreciated his laughing at my son.

"No, it's just that he reminds me of my youngest son."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's five." He nodded towards Spock. "That looks like something he'd do."

Spock popped back up, Sehlat plushy clutched to his chest, and a sock stuck to his hair. Mr. Kirk started laughing harder.

"Mother?" He raised a questioning eyebrow.

I knelt down in front of him, to help get his pack put back together after his digging. While he was distracted by putting his Pleenok away, I plucked the sock out of his hair and stuffed it back into the pack.

Mr. Kirk had at least had the good sense to stifle his laughter and finish packing the bags. I wouldn't have been amused if he'd made Spock feel more self-conscious than he already was.

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Spock fell asleep only a few miles into the trip. Mr. George kept looking at us out of the corner of his eye, until Spock started snoring softly. "I'm not sure if you know much about this, your application says that you've been off planet for a while, but our area of Iowa has a large representation of _Back to Earthers_."

"I had heard, but no matter where I go I'm going to have problems with Isolationists. It comes part and parcel with being an Alien languages teacher."

"And having a Vulcan son."

"Half-Vulcan." Not that being partially human made his status any less precarious. If anything it was likely to make things worse, given that mixed breeding was considered one of the great sins by most isolationists.

"What are you going to do if people react negatively to his presence?" He carefully avoided meeting my eyes. Keeping his gaze pinned to the road in front of us, like he hadn't been watching Spock and me as much as the road only a few minutes before.

"I am hoping it won't come to that, but if it does, I'll see about moving us to San Francisco. People there can't afford to be as openly prejudiced with Star Fleet headquarters being there.

"Why didn't you go there first?" He finally braved a glance in my direction. "If you don't mind me saying, it seems like you'd have had an easier time finding a job out there, then around here."

"There are more positions open for Alien Language Professors out west, but there are also more teachers interested in the positions. I don't think anybody else even bothered to apply to your school."

"Probably not."

We rode in silence for a while after that. The cool Iowa breeze whistled past the open windows as we left the space port and its surrounding city behind. There was nothing to see now but wide open fields.

"Principal Hodges told you that you'd be staying with my family, right?"

"I was actually the one who requested that he find me lodgings with a family he trusted. As you said this isn't the best place to be if someone takes umbrage to our presence. I felt that staying with a family that was trusted by the majority of the town would be advisable. Though I do admit I was surprised that the mayor himself would open his home."

"Nobody else was really jumping at the chance to have a Vulcan living in their home."

After that encouraging statement, discussion petered off again. If Mr. Kirk represented the most understanding member of Riverside, then this posting might be even tougher than I had been expecting. Not that it was really a surprise given that the _Back to Earth_ party held a large amount of sway in the area. Unfortunately for them they didn't have much choice but to put up with me. Not since the Federation had ruled that Alien Languages was a required course in all government schools.

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I jolted awake when the truck turned sharply sending me careening into the side of the door, and Spock's head slamming into my chest. I glared over at Mr. Kirk.

Who gave me a carefully, sheepish smile. "Sorry about that Ms.. Grayson. I almost missed the turn." He rubbed sleepily at his eyes.

I sighed. I could hardly blame him for being tired, it was almost two o'clock in the morning after all. "It's fine. You were going to have to wake us up soon anyway."

"I suppose so. And hey, this way you can see the house right off."

I unbuckled Spock and lifted him onto my lap so that he could see over the dashboard. "This is going to be our new home for a while," I whispered into his ear. He nodded, watching wide eyed through the windshield as we drove around the bend in the driveway and got our first glimpse of the Kirk farm.

It was big. That much at least I could tell in the dark. A two story farm house, painted in some muted shade of yellow or tan, it was too dark to see which. It was even harder to make out the barn, beyond the fact that it was huge. A dark foreboding building that fair loomed over everything in the surrounding area.

As used to the Vulcan design ascetic as I was, neither building looked as homey and welcoming as they probably should have. It made me nervous even thinking about being closed up inside such a confining space. I clamped down on that instinctive fear before it had time to fully form. Holding Spock like I was, it wouldn't take much for him to sense my nervousness. I didn't want to chance that. No matter how unsettling I found this situation it was far worse for him, I had to be strong so that he didn't feel the need to be strong for me. "It looks like a lovely place."

"Thanks, we've done our best. Just wait until you meet Winona, she'll be glad to tell you all about the history of this place."

"I look forward to it."

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I woke up to the smell of eggs, pancakes, and bacon. Strange how smells like that still seemed familiar when nothing else about earth did.

They did say that smell was one of the two strongest sense memories, right next to sound. Spock make a soft wuffling sniffle as he started to wake up. I never ceased to amaze me how adorable he could be without even trying.

He grumbled softly.

"They're making breakfast, and I know after all that shuttle food you have to be hungry," I wheddled. There was no way I'd be able to get out of my bed without stepping on him thanks to how his pallet was positioned in front of my bed.

Crinkling his nose, he said. "I'm unsure that I wish to try this human food they are making, mother. It smells strange."

"That's the bacon. And I doubt their going to make you to eat it, since you’re vegetarian. You'll like the pancakes." Provided I didn't let him have more than a tiny about of maple syrup. A hyperactive Vulcan child would be hard to explain to a family of humans who were used to the older, and more serious Vulcans.

"Alright." He rolled over so that he was leaning against my bed frame ands started rubbing at his eyes. I couldn't relist reaching down and picking hum up to cuddle against my chest.

"I promise that this won't be all that bad. You'll like Earth if you give it a chance."

"It's so cold, and everything is strange."

"I know, but there will be good things too, just wait. You might even make some friends at school."

He shook his head and cuddled closer to my chest, as he was wont to do when we were alone together and there was no one to make him feel ashamed about needing physical contact.

I could practically hear him in my head saying that it was illogical to want friends. Not that the illogical emotional response ever stopped him from feeling lonely back on Vulcan. He'd never complained about spending almost every moment with me, but there wasn't a little boy on Vulcan or Earth, who didn't want the chance to have adventures without their mother. The only problem was that no Vulcan mother would allow their child to have adventures with my Spock. I could only pray that things would be different on Earth.

Setting him down next to me on the bed, I dug through our packs until I unearthed one of the thick, woolen sweaters I'd knitted for him. He grabbed it from my hand and pulled it over his head so quickly that it caused his hair to stand up to create a hallow around his head. Stifling a girlish giggle I did my best to pat his hair back into place. "Come on, let's go down and eat. It is only polite to meet Mr. Kirk's family."

He nodded against my chest, but instead of trying to get down he wrapped his little arms further around my neck. That was more than enough to tell me how nervous he was. I could already tell that it was going to be a long morning.

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"You two must be Amanda and Spock, it’s great to meet you both. You can call me Winona." Winona Kirk was all blond curls and bright smiles.

Spock stared at her as though she was an alien species he had never seen before. Admittedly she didn't bare that much resemblance to me, but I never thought he'd be that intimidated by a human female. Not as use to me as he was.

"Yes we are. I wanted to thank you for opening your home to us. I know it can't have been an easy decision."

"Easier than you might think. My husband is trying to become Riverside's mayor after all. It wouldn't set a good precedent if he refused to embrace Federation rulings regarding the schooling of the town's children."

"I suppose it wouldn't." I set Spock down in one of the two booster seats sitting at the end of the table. He stared down at it with obvious distaste. "It's only for a little bit." I whispered in his ear. Knowing that if I didn't say anything he'd be out of the chair as soon as I took my eyes off of him.

He settled down, and went back to staring at Winona. Who appeared oblivious, flitting around the kitchen, grabbing milk out of the refrigerator and cherries out of the bread box. "The kids should be waking up soon. I 'm actually surprised you two are awake so early. It's only been a few hours since you arrived."

"It's late morning on Vulcan. And Vulcans don't sleep nearly as much as humans, so I'm used to getting up after only a little sleep."

"Well that will come in handy on the farm. We can always use an extra pair of hands to help with the morning chores." She started flipping the fully cooked bacon onto a plate.

Mr. Kirk came in then. He was pale and worn looking, probably from lack of sleep after staying up half the night driving us back to the farm. Dressed in mud soaked galoshes, a worn pair of overalls, and a plaid shirt, he looked the very picture of an old fashioned farmer. Probably what he'd been going for if he was trying to become mayor of a city as entrenched in the _Back to Earth_ movement as Riverside, Iowa. "Ms. Grayson, it's good to see you again. I hope you slept well."

"Thank you, I did."

Wrapping an arm around Winona's waste he pulled her against her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. I looked away to give them at least the impression of privacy, and met Spock's eyes. He was looking back and forth between the kissing pair and me, his eyes wide and his ears the deep green of embarrassment.

This sort of casual physical affection would take some getting used to on his part.

The sound of people thundering down the staircase and into the kitchen broke my staring contest with Spock, and got the Kirk’s to separate.

Mr. Kirk smiled at me and pulled the chair next to Spock’s out for me to sit down. “Thank you.”

“Believe me you’ll be glad to have a seat when they boys get here. It’s barely controlled chaos.”

A pair of blond boys came tumbling into the kitchen, dressed in matching pajamas covered in a pattern of tractors and corn cobs. They both stopped short a few steps into the kitchen when they caught sight of Spock and me.

It was easy enough to tell which of the boys Mr. Kirk had been talking about the night before. Neither of the kids looked a lot like Spock, fully human as they were. But the youngest, and smallest, was only a few inches shorter than Spock and had the same baby fat round face.

“Boys, this is Ms. Grayson and Spock. We told you that they would be staying with us for a while.”

“Hello Ms. Grayson.” They caroled.

“Hello boys.” I replied. “So which of you is which?”

“I’m Sam and this is my little brother, Jimmy.” The larger boy, said.

“My name isn’t Jimmy.”

“Is too.”

“Is not!” The pair of them turned to face each other, hands on hips and identical pouts twisting their faces up into equally adorable expressions.

I had to stifle an amused chuckle behind my hand.

“Boys, let’s try not to make a bad impression on the Graysons.” Winona said. I could hear laughter in her voice as well.

“Yes, Mom.” Despite the affirmative they kept shoving at each other as they made their way to the table. ‘Not Jimmy’ Kirk ended up in the booster seat next to Spock, and Sam sat down across the table from me.

Jimmy started poking at Spock’s ears. “So what are you?”

Edging as far away from Jimmy as he could, Spock replied. “I am a Vulcan.”

“What’s that?” He leaned over the edge of his seat so that he could poke Spock again.

Spock ducked, and I thought he would actually resort to hopping out of his chair to get away. He looked at me pleadingly.

Thankfully Winona picked up on his discomfort and plunked a plate of pancakes and bacon in front of Jimmy. Food took precedent over his interest in trying to figure out what Spock was. Spock took advantage of his distraction to settle back into his seat, though he kept a wary eye Jimmy.

Winona put a plate in front of Spock as well. “So do you two have anything planned for today?”

“I’m going to see if I can talk to the principal about when I can start teaching. It’s already two months into the school year and I don’t want to put it off any longer than I need to.”

“I can drive you into town after lunch.”

“Thank you Mr. Kirk. I would very much appreciate that.”

I felt a tugging at my sleeve. Turning towards Spock I saw that he was trying to draw my attention to his plate. Where two pieces of bacon sat innocently on top of his pancakes. I scooped them up and added them to my plate.

“Will you be leaving Spock home with me, when you go out?” Winona asked.

“I had planned to take him with me, but if you think that it would be better for him to stay home with you and the boys, I would of course be glad leave him with you.”

“The boys will be going to their school soon, so I’m afraid it would just be the two of us on the farm. But Spock could help me make dinner and with some of the chores around the farm.”

Spock stopped, his fork in the air between his plate and his mouth, and stared at me.

“I think I’ll probably bring him along anyway. It seems like a good idea to get him registered in school.”

“Good point. I’ll call the boys’ teacher and let her know that you’ll be coming in.”

“Thank you. I’d appreciate that.” I glanced at Spock out of the corner of my eye, and was pleased to see that he had gone back to eating calmly. Except for when he had to dodge Jimmy’s occasional attempts to poke him with his fork.

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Spock pressed his little fingers against my temple. I could feel his concern and nervousness. Glancing at George Kirk out of the corner of my eye, I tried to figure out if he realized what Spock was doing but he was bobbing his head to the strident sounds of the country music that blared from the truck's speakers.

Taking that as a sign that he hadn't noticed anything strange in our behavior, I lay my hand over Spock's, so that our clasped hands were pressed against the side of my face. It would look like an affectionate, if strange, gesture to anybody who didn't look to closely. I used the connection Spock had forged to project assurances and comfort.

While I might not like my co-workers and they might come close to hating me, I had faith that nothing bad would happen. In a small town like this, Government funds were about the only thing keeping the school afloat. They couldn't afford to break the law and refuse to let me teach. And they would need a very good reason to fire me, since I was the only one why had applied for the position.

Mr. Kirk turned the truck into a hard right turn, and we pulled onto Riverside's main street. It was like taking a step back in time. The stores were all topped with brightly colored awnings and the windows were filled with large displays of foodstuffs and farming equipment.

Spock let go of my hand so that he could craned his neck back and forth. This was the first small, human town he'd ever seen and I was glad to see it gained his interest.

It reminded me of the town where my aunt had lived when I was a girl. I'd spent the majority of my summers there. My parents too busy to keep me home when I wasn't in school.

Two stoplights later and we were leaving the town behind us. Fields started springing up on either side of the road again and soon we were lost in the seeming isolation provided by the large cornfields that sprung up like walls on either side of the road.

It was just us, the corn, and the sky. I'd started to worry that we'd gotten lost when Mr. Kirk spun into another hard right turn, onto a thin, dirt road I hadn't even been able to see. Now the feeling of claustrophobia got even stronger. I pulled Spock against me, feeling the need to protect him, though from what I couldn't have said.

The sharp cawing of a pair of crows made me jump and press myself further into the truck's bench. Spock took my hand and I did my best to let the brush of his mind against mine calm me.

Thankfully, we were only on the dirt road for a few minutes before the fields dropped off to reveal a large, flat piece of land on which squatted a pair of hulking brick buildings shaped like boxes. The only thing that kept them from looking like prisons from an old-school holo-vid were the large glass windows that circled the building. A ring of then on each floor. Two rings for the Elementary and Middle school building and Three rings for the High-school. The high school and elementary school looked surprisingly normal compared the sense of disquiet I had been feeling whenever I caught sight of a normal human building.

Perhaps it was their utilitarian design or perhaps it was the fact that they looked almost identical to the schools I'd attended as a young girl, right down to the garish red, blue and yellow swing set, but it was easy for me to wrap myself in a sense of calm before entering the High School. Briefcase in my left hand and Spock's sweater-covered wrist in my other.

The Principal, a matronly woman with long blond hair twisted up into almost as severe knot as her tightly scrunched mouth, met us at the door. She gave a fleeting glance to Spock before turning her full attention to me. "You must be Ms.. Grayson, our new Alien Languages teacher." She practically spat my title.

"That's correct."

"I feel that there are some things we need to go over before I show you your classroom."

"Of course, I don't want to step on any toes if I can help it."

"Your presence will cause trouble no matter how nice you are. I suggest you accept that now, because acting like you're everyone's friend isn't going to gain you any points. Not here."

I forced myself to smile politely. It wasn't as though her reaction to my presence was a surprise, though I hadn't expected her to be so blunt about it. The honesty was as refreshing as it was painful. "I'll keep that in mind. But in return I expect you to remember that it wasn't my decision to change the law so that you had to teach Alien Languages to your students. I'm here to do a job, and I expect to be allowed to do so."

She relaxed slightly, and gave me the barest hint of a smile. "Well, it seems like we understand each other then."

"So it does."

"If you and your son will follow me I'll show you to your classroom. I don't want to keep you for long, Winona informed me that you have a meeting with Principle Myers over at the Elementary school and you'll need as much time as you can spare for that meeting."

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"They're back!" Jimmy Kirk was waiting for us on the front porch of the Kirk house, when we got back from our meeting with the school teacher and principal at the Riverside Elementary and Middle school. A soon as he saw his father's hover-truck pull up to the house, Jimmy started yelling and ran into the house. The screen door slammed shut behind him.

Mr. Kirk chuckled and when I turned to give him a questioning look, said. "Don't worry, that's just Jimmy for you. He always loves to have someone to play with." Then he looked down to address Spock. "And unless I miss my guess, he and Winona will have made a surprise for you."

"A surprise? Why would they make such a thing for me?"

"Well you're going to be staying at our house for a while aren't you? It's only smart to show hospitality to people who are going to be staying at your house. I've learned it saves a lot of trouble in the long run."

Spock cocked his head to the side, and I suspected that if I had been able to see his face he would have been raising an eyebrow in the same manner Sarek did. "But is it not the guest’s duty to facilitate hospitality and good will?"

"Well, I—" Mr. Kirk's jaw flapped. He didn't seem quite sure how to answer the question.

Which wasn't particularly unusual when humans first started dealing with the Vulcan sense of propriety. In a lot of ways human and Vulcan courtesy mirrored each other. The same but opposite. I decided to grant Mr. Kirk a reprieve. "It's different on Earth, Spock. While on Vulcan it falls to the guests to see that their hosts are made comfortable. On Earth it is considered the host’s duty to make their guests comfortable. It is a sign of competence and good manners."

"I see." He said, though the way he scrunched his eyebrows together showed that he was if not lying, at least not being completely truthful. I squeezed his shoulder in support, and gathered my purse and briefcase together so that we could get out of the truck.

By the time I got the door open and Spock had climbed out, Jimmy was coming back out of the house at break neck speed. The screen door slammed shut again.

Then he was beside the truck and grabbing Spock by the hand before either of us could react. I watched slack-jawed as Jimmy dragged by Spock up the porch stairs and towards the house.

I knew for a fact that Spock wouldn't have had any problem breaking out of Jimmy's grip if he'd felt threatened, so I left them to it. Spock stared me with horror wide eyes, which I returned with a smile. I wouldn't leave them alone for long, but Spock needed to adjust to handling other humans and this seemed as good a way as any.

"He's a quiet kid."

I nodded in agreement, hiking my bag higher on my shoulder and heading up towards the house.

"I want you to know that me and Winona will look after him, like he was our own."

"Thank you for your consideration, but it's a little more complicated than that."

"I never doubted that it was," He moved to stand in front of me so that I had to stop and acknowledge him. "Look, I don't know what drove you to leave Vulcan, but I want you to know you can talk about it. I mean I don't know how Vulcan's run things, but we've had a couple different women stay with us at the farm, when they needed to get away from their husbands."

I almost laughed in his face. The idea of Sarek raising a hand to me was simply absurd. Even if he had been one of those Vulcan's who believed in allowing a certain amount of emotional expression when in the presence of family, he had always been aware of my human frailties. I'd been the one who'd had to initiate any physical intimacies. "I can assure you that it's nothing like that, Mr. Kirk."

"I'm not saying he abused you in the way a human man would abuse his wife. But obviously something made you leave, and I want you to know that we'll support your decision. We won't let anyone force you to return to Vulcan."

I couldn't squash my amusement this time. After all the tension and stress of arranging the move and getting a new job on my own, the idea of these people, who I barely knew, offering to protect me from the life I would give anything to return to, just seemed too funny. Once I started laughing, I couldn't seem to stop.

I gave into the gales of laughter that shook my frame and brought tears to my eyes. I tried to rain the emotional response in, only to catch sight of George Kirk's horrified face, and lose control all over again.

The screen door slammed again, and suddenly there was a warm little body careening into my legs. I reached down to hold Spock and let go of my laughter. Giving into the slightly more appropriate urge to cry.

Spock patted my back as I had occasionally done for him when he'd been very small and unable to control his reactions to the other Vulcan children's teasing. His mind brushed against mine, a rock of logic and control that I gladly clung to, while still doing my best to shield him from the full strength of my breakdown.

I don't know how long the two of us stayed like that, wrapped up in each other mind and body, but when I finally regained my senses the first thing I heard was Jimmy Kirk asking his father, "Why is Ms. Spock acting so funny?"

I met Spock's gaze and shared an amused look with him over my being called Ms. Spock. "You're father just said something funny." I answered, before Mr. Kirk could figure out what to say.

Jimmy stared at his father, mouth open, for a second, before saying. "Daddy, you can tell jokes?"

This time it was Mr. Kirk who couldn't keep from laughing.

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After dinner, we finally got to see the surprise Winona, Sam, and Jimmy had prepared. The trio had managed to find a second toddler bed somewhere and move it into Jimmy's room so that, if Jimmy was to be believed, they could have sleepovers every night.

I was more inclined to believe that they had moved him into Jimmy's room so that he wouldn't have to sleep on the floor in my room.

None of the bedrooms were large, and with a full-sized bed, a wardrobe, and a desk there simply wasn't room for any more furniture in my room.

It was tight in Jimmy's room as well, with only a thin pathway between the two beds, but there was still enough room for you to move around. Spock, of course, was less than impressed with the idea of sharing a bedroom with anyone.

I was grateful that he at least waited to address the subject until we were in the process of moving his clothes and belongings over to Jimmy's room. Jimmy had been ecstatic and I didn't want to upset him by letting him know that Spock wasn't as happy. Spock seemed to want to keep him happy as much, if not more, than I did and only spoke with me on the matter until we were alone. "I do not see why I could not make a bed for myself in one of the common room's downstairs."

"This is more for the Kirk family's benefit than yours."

"I don't understand. How is forcing their son to share a room with me and setting up furniture so that I can stay in his room comfortably, easier?"

"For the same reason that it was easier on your father and I if you went to bed in your room instead of in ours. Married couples need a certain amount of time to themselves, and having to worry about waking you up would make that harder on them. They feel that the trouble of setting up the bed and making arrangements for you to move into Jimmy's bedroom is worth not having to spend hours worrying that you will wake up and interrupt their l _alone time_." I really hoped that he would accept that answer I didn't want to have to explain the more sordid details to my five year old son, even if he was a Vulcan.

He stared at me, a fine line between his scrunched eyebrows, then he seemed to reach a decision. His face moved out. "Very well, I will attempt to share sleeping quarters with Jimmy, but if I cannot sleep I will come to your room. Since Father is not here you should not require alone time with him."

I had to bite my lip, to hold in a cackle of mirth at his petulant tone. It was times like this that he reminded me un-questionably of Sarek. "That seems like a logical manner of handling the matter." I managed to choke out.

He nodded his head regally, which only made the whole situation funnier.

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"And they all lived happily ever after." I finished. Looking up from the story book I saw that both of the boys were asleep. Twin looks of perfect innocence on their faces.

They were so cute like this. Putting the book away on the shelf I stood up and straightened out Jimmy's blanket before giving Spock his customary kiss on the forehead. He felt a bit cool, in the cool Earth air, so I grabbed his second blanket and tucked the pair securely around him.

Sneaking out of their room I headed back to mine. Winona Kirk was waiting in front of my door. "Amanda, I was wondering if you would be willing to come down and talk with my husband and me for a bit?"

"Of course, Winona." I could hardly say no even though I suspected we were going to be discussing George Kirk's concerns about Sarek being abusive.

I felt slightly better when Winona led me into the kitchen instead of the living room, where I could hear George and Sam watching the game.

She motioned for me to take a seat at the table. "I know that George tried to discuss this with you earlier, but I thought you might be more comfortable if it was just us girls."

"I'm not really sure that there is anything to discuss."

"I think that there is, otherwise I can't see a reason for you to uproot your life so thoroughly just to move to the middle-of-nowhere Iowa." The coffee maker beeped and she got up to get us both a cup.

"It's not that simple." I said to her back. "Sarek isn't abusive or neglectful or anything that you're thinking."

"Really? If that's the case then why are you being so defensive."

"Because." I took my mug of coffee from her and leaned back in my chair letting the heat of the mug warm my hands. "I've had this conversation plenty of times before. It's never gotten any easier and most people don't believe me no matter what I say."

"George and I are hardly most people. We've been out into the stars, we know that things aren't always as cut and dry as they are on Earth. And even if we didn't have experience with aliens we have plenty of experience with battered women and we know better than anyone that there is more than one kind of abuse.

Again with the claims that Sarek abused me. "Sarek loved me more than anyone, he would have done anything to make sure that we stayed together."

"Then why are you here alone?"

"Because I'm the stronger of the two of us. He couldn’t let me go, so I left."

Winona had her mug held up to her mouth, but she was too shocked to take a sip. She set it back on the table with a soft thunk. "What does that mean?"

"You're familiar with the **Back to Earth** party, right?"

"Of course, they're a major part of George's constituency."

"Most Vulcans have similar beliefs and it's only gotten worse in the last decade or so. They believe that hybrid children and relationships with non-Vulcans, particularly humans, are to be discouraged." I took a sip of my coffee, letting the smell and the feel of caffeine entering my system soothe my fraying nerves. "Spock is an exceptionally bright and stoic child by human standpoints. On Vulcan it's different. He is considered overly emotional and a bad influence on the other children."

"Surely you're joking? He's got more control of himself than Sammy does."

"It still wasn't enough. A major part of how Vulcan's function is by using logic to suppress emotions. Spock is still too young to be able to completely understand logic. He wasn't able to keep up with the other children, and Vulcans don't have any system in place for those that can't keep up with their education. It so rarely happens."

"What does this have to do with your decision to leave your husband?"

"I'm getting to it." I took another show series of sips of coffee, just to get her back for interrupting me. "Children on Vulcan are considered a part of their parents. If the child fails the parent fails. Spock was going to be held back in school, which was a serious cause for concern. Sarek was only able to marry me because he was one of the brightest and most logical Vulcans in his generation. The elders believed that he would be able to withstand my human emotions and raise any children we had in a manner that they deemed suitable. Spock's being held back undermined his position and the other Vulcans knew it. They were already starting to question whether or not he should be allowed to keep his position." I moved to take another fortifying sip of my coffee, only to realize that I'd finished it all off. I ended up staring down at the empty mug instead.

Until Winona pulled it out of my hand and went to refill it. Once I had taken a few sips of my new mug full of coffee it was easier to start talking again. "The precedence for this sort of situation is for the parents to bear a second child, to act as the heir. Thus proving that they are able to succeed in parenthood and any failings of the first child weren't due to the parent's teachings."

"That's absurd."

"Yes, it is." I went back to sipping at my drink.

"But it still doesn't tell me why you left your husband."

"Doesn’t it?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow in a knowing fashion.

Winona wasn't impressed. "No it doesn't."

"Really? I'd think it was obvious since Spock and I traveled her alone." I left the alone hanging for a bit in hopes that she'd be able to pick up on the subtext.

She didn’t' disappoint. "You refused to have another child to prove that your parenting wasn't at fault."

I smirked over the lip of my cup. "Exactly."

"But why not? I know that Sammy really learned from having a younger child. It seems like Spock would learn just as much if not more. Not to mention he’d be a wonderfully, responsible big brother."

"He's also a hybrid and our second child would be a hybrid too. It's not as simple as with your two sons. Hybrids are considered lesser beings as it is. If our second child ended up being the same as Spock, they could outright ban the birth of human/Vulcan children until they can figure out what makes hybrid children more like their human parents. Sarek could lose his standing in the community and his job, but my main concern was how a second child could affect Spock's life as well as the legislation regarding hybrids. I wasn't willing to have a second child but at the same time I wasn't willing to force Sarek into giving up his position."

"So you left him for his own good." She didn’t' sound impressed.

Not that I cared. "Exactly."  
"Well that does put a different spin on things. When do you think you'll be going back to Vulcan."  
It was my turn to freeze. "What do you mean?"

"If you're staying away because Spock isn't mature enough to keep up with the other Vulcans, then that means you'll be able to go back to Vulcan when he's older, right."

I thought of the warmth of Vulcan and being held in Sarek's arms. Everything that said home to me. Then I remembered my son, sleeping in the bedroom upstairs. Vulcan might be my home, but it wasn't his and he had to be my priority. I stood up, jerkily leaving my half-full mug on the table. "Goodnight, Winona."

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The next morning was my first day teaching at the Riverside High School and my stomach had decided to tie itself up in knots. I took a deep breath trying to prepare myself for what was about to happen. In a few minutes my first class was going to start and even my Vulcan training couldn't keep the nerves at bay.

I'd married my husband just out of college and had never had the occasion to use my education degree in a class setting before. And to make matters worse most of these children probably didn't even want to be here.

A few might find the subject interesting, but all of them would be aware of their families' prejudices against alien cultures. I doubted they would be daring enough to attack me physically but they would test me all the same.

The school bell rang, the trilling chime drilled into my skull and made my stomach twist with mixed anticipation and dread.

I plastered my best Vulcan mask onto my face and watched as the children filed through the door and took their seats, laughing and giving me amused looks out of the corners of their eyes. Already I could tell that they were going to cause me no end of trouble.

I couldn't wait. If there was one thing I'd never been able to resist it was a challenge. "Hello students, my name is Ms. Grayson and I'm your new Alien Languages teacher."

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Over the next few weeks, things settled down. I can't say that I became happier, being without Sarek was like being without a limb. I wasn't as telepathically sensitive as a Vulcan so I couldn't feel the loss of our bond that clearly, but I also had no way of replacing the emotional link. Humans just weren't capable of connecting on that level and I didn't want to make my bond with Spock ant deeper that it already was.

We both needed to become less insular than we had been on Vulcan. Spock actually seemed to be having a better time of that than I was. Once he had adjusted to Jimmy's extremely affectionate manner, he started to thrive.

It was rare to see one without the other. Jimmy was always dragging him from one end of the farm to the other, playing with the dogs, feeding the pigs, collecting the eggs from the chickens, and Spock's favorite task of caring for the horses.

The first time Jimmy took him out to see the horses he'd talked about all the facts he'd learned about them for over two hours. George and Winona had been amused, thinking that he was trying to impress them with how much he knew about horses, but I knew better. The only other time I'd seen him so excited was when he'd gotten to see the Sehlats. He'd been quoting facts about Sehlats for days. I decided that if we ended up staying in Riverside I would see about purchasing a horse for him.

The one thing he refused to speak with me about was school, though it was easy enough to tell that he was uncomfortable there, it was impossible to tell if that was because he wasn't getting along with his fellow students, or if the instructors weren't comfortable teaching him.

I decided to wait and see what happened, hoping that between the two of them Spock and Jimmy would be able to figure things out. I knew from my own childhood that having a parent intercede too early only made things more awkward.

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Strangely enough I didn't dread being called to Spock's new school as much as I had dreaded being called to his school back on Vulcan. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that I knew that was three times as strong as any of the other children, but it just didn't seem like I needed to worry about his safety.

And for all James Kirk was a bit bratty what with his love of poking Spock, I knew for a fact that he'd do anything to protect Spock. He was just that kind of boy.

I could still remember my own best friend when I was a child. We'd been known for beating up the boys we went to school with. Much to my mother's embarrassment.

"Principal Myers I received a call that Spock had gotten into trouble?"

Myers shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I didn't realize that my assistant had called you, Miss Grayson."

I didn't bother to correct him this time. If he didn’t get my name after the first dozen times, he wasn’t likely to get it right now. “Who did you think they had called.”

“I asked them to call Mr. Kirk. He usually handles this sort of problem.”

I chill of dread sunk into my stomach. Maybe this wasn’t a simple childhood fight. “Did something happen.?You assistant led me to believe that it wasn’t anything important.”

“It normally wouldn’t be, but I’m afraid your son reacted quite unreasonably. Have you looked into getting him therapy to help him deal with your leaving his father?

I bristled. “How is that your business?”

“As I said your son reacted unreasonably and without provocation.”

“I highly doubt it was without provocation.” I knew Spock better than that and while he might be overly emotional for a Vulcan, he was still very much in control of his reactions. “And I doubt even more that it was unreasonable.”

“He attacked a group of boys and used the tether ball to tie them to a pole in the middle of the schoolyard.” He straightened his spine preparing for something. “I understand that he is not human, but surely you could train him better than to do something so impulsive.”

“Train him? You make it sound like he is a dog.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I understand that he is a sentient being. But surely you don’t expect me to believe that he can function on the same level as a human.”

“I expect you to believe that he can function on a level higher than humans are capable of. Did you even ask him why he attacked those boys?”

He shifted again.

“I’ll take that as a no.” I stood up and headed for the door. I’d had enough of this man. I’d have to speak to his teacher to make sure that we handled any further disciplinary problems just between the two of us.

Spock and Jimmy Kirk were waiting for me on the bench just outside of their classroom. Spock looked as unruffled as when I’d dropped him off at the beginning of the day. Jimmy on the other hand had a large bruise that covered his cheek and his eye.

I had to stifle the urge to snort. If that bruise was anything to go by then Spock’s attack certainly hadn’t been unprovoked. “Come along boys, you can keep me company at the high school for the rest of the day, until Mr. Kirk comes to pick us up.”

Spock nodded and helped Jimmy down off of the bench, keeping his hand on Jimmy’s arm when he wavered.

“On second thought I think we’d better go see the nurse before we do anything else.”

“Do we have to?” Jimmy whined.

“I’d feel better if we did. And it’s just for a minute anyway.” I nodded for Spock to follow me, more worried than I wanted to admit when Jimmy didn’t raise any more complaints. He was a very determined little boy, and if he wasn’t feeling simply awful than I doubted we’d have been able to get him to the infirmary.

The nurse seemed to agree with me. She’d barely caught sight of him before she was bustling him into a bed and shoving a children’s pain pill down his throat. After a more thorough examination she decided that there was nothing more serious than some deep bruises, but she did insist that he needed to go home immediately rather than waiting for me to finish my classes at the high school.

I called them and let them know that I wouldn’t be coming back that day, they were as sympathetic as they were legally required to be and I was content with that.

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Spock and I sat side by side watching Jimmy sleep as we waited for Mr. Kirk to come pick us up. He was tense and I couldn’t resist laying my hand onto his head. I wouldn’t do anything more obvious in public, not among so many strangers, but this at least wouldn’t seem to strange.

He relaxed beneath the weight of my hand, his body releasing its tension until he looked like any other young boy who’d gotten into a fight at school. Upset and angry and trying to hold back tears. “Why did he do it?”

“Do what sweetie?”

“Those boys they were saying mean things about me. They said that their parents said I was dirty and didn’t deserve to be on Earth.”

“Their families are probably part of the _Back to Earth_ movement.” I acknowledged.

“I told Jimmy that it was alright, and I did not mind but he said that he could tell it upset me. He started yelling at them.” He seemed lost for words.

“Is that when they hit him?”

“He fell and there was blood coming from his nose and I lost my temper.” Biting his lip he hunched into himself.

“I’m not upset with you, dear. You did a very good job. The principal said that you tied them up using a tetherball. I’m impressed with your ingenuity.”

He relaxed again. “Thank you mother.”

We went back to sitting in silence, though I kept watch on Spock from the corner of my eye. He was quite obviously thinking about something. Finally he reached up under his sweater and pulled out a piece of folded paper. He carefully unfolded it, before handing it too me.

It was a picture of two boys, Spock and Jimmy if I was to guess, sitting on top of a large round spaceship in the middle of space. “Jimmy says that is us, that when we are bigger we will go out into the stars and make a place where nobody can say I do not belong. A real home.” There was a painful wistfulness in his voice.

It made me want to cry. We’d come all this way because I wanted to give him a chance to find a home and it hadn’t made a bit of difference. Spock was just as out of place here as he had been back on Vulcan. I gave up all sense of propriety and pulled him into my arms. “Do you want to go back to Vulcan, sweetheart. This hasn’t turned out like I’d planned.”

“No.” It was remarkable how emphatic he sounded. I hadn’t realized he could feel so strongly about something. “I want to stay with Jim. I want to…” he reached for the picture I still had clenched in my hand. “I want that.”

He wanted a home. The one thing that I couldn’t give him. “Then we’ll stay.” I pulled him close so that I could whisper into his ear. “And I promise that I will do everything I can to make sure your dream comes true.”

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_To My Husband,_

_I'm sorry for leaving you so suddenly and with only a letter to tell you what I'd done, but at the time it seemed like the best way for us to part. If I had stayed until we could discuss logic and patience, I would have changed my mind._

_I love you so much that it hurts to even think about being away from you. There is no way that I would be able to leave if you had asked me not to. That is why I refused to tell you where I'd gone. I couldn't have you risking yourself to come after me. I worked too hard to get up the courage to leave in the first place._

_Despite what it sounds like I'm not writing to make recriminations or express my guilt though that is part of it. I'm writing to tell you that I'm no longer tempted to return to your side. I've found at least a part of what I'm looking for here, on Earth._

_Spock is flourishing and I have hope that someday he will be able to make a home for himself. One where he isn't judged because of his heritage, but because of the type of man he is._

_When he is older I will want to discuss having him return to Vulcan during the summer break from school, so that he can learn the teachings of Sarek more fully, but that is still a few years off. For now I'm just happy to see him growing up to be the boy I always knew he could be, happy and growing stronger every day._

_Even if you can't understand my decision, please don't let your anger separate you from Spock. He misses you as badly as I do and I know that he would love to hear from you, for all he doesn't speak of it._

_Live Long and Prosper,_

_Your Wife,_

_Amanda_   



End file.
